Every Day I Write the Book: Domestic Violence
The full extent of domestic violence is unknown, but it is estimated that only one in seven domestic assaults come to the attention of the police. Family violence is a generations old issue that is often fueled by substance abuse. It knows no racial boundaries or social lines, and can range from verbal abuse or pushing or slapping to using a gun or knife.
There is as much abuse found among couples who are dating as among those who are married. Abuse is abuse whether you have a marriage certificate or not. The dynamics are the same; some one is misusing power and controlling someone else's life. It is a pattern of coercive control. You don't have to be living in the same house to be controlled or threatened.
Is your relationship bad for your health or heading into dangerous territory? Take this test and find out. If you answer yes to more than two of the categories, turn to someone for help.
Is he someone who . . .
Is jealous and possessive toward you, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking up?
Tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, doesn't take your opinions seriously?
Is scary? Do you worry about how this person will react to things you say or do? Does this person threaten you, use or own weapons?
Is violent? Does this person have a history of fighting? Does he lose his temper, brag about mistreating others?
Pressures you for sex, is forceful or scary about sex? Thinks that women or girls are sex objects, attempts to manipulate or guilt-trip you by saying, "If you really loved me, you would . . .," or gets too serious about the relationship too fast for comfort?
Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them?
Blames you when you are mistreated? Says you provoked it?
Has a history of bad relationships, and blames the other person for all the problems?
Believes that men should be in control and powerful and that women should be passive and submissive?
Has hit, pushed, choked, restrained, kicked or physically abused you?
Makes your family and friends concerned about your safety?
SOURCE: Mount Auburn Hospital Prevention and Training Center in Waltham, (617) 893-0111, and the Dating Violence Intervention Project in Cambridge, (617) 868-8328.
If something about your relationship with your partner scares you and you need to talk, call Somos La Familia at 425-8120, the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800 799 SAFE (7233) or 1 800 787 3224, or another counselor of your choosing, but do get help. No one needs to suffer at the hands of a violent person. |
